OK, this is no Rosemary Woods/Richard Nixon thing about a tape being doctored or changing the meaning of a statement. However, this question was asked on Tuesday, Dec. 7, some 28 minutes into the Urban Meyer press conference and it never showed up on any of the official University of Florida transcripts:
“Did you have an epiphany on this decision and can you talk about the moment you made up your mind? And also, did have your mind made up before you talked to Notre Dame?”
There was a little twinkle in his eye, and then an eight-second pause in a reflective moment before Meyer responded. He never really answered the question directly, but it may have been more of a case of the questioner not framing it properly than an attempt to shield something.
I know, because I asked the question. And, yes, the intention was to get Meyer to reveal just how long he’d been pondering the Florida job. And, more importantly, to see if he’d let out the fact that he’d been having conversations with Dr. Bernie Machen and/or Athletics Director Jeremy Foley prior to the end of Utah’s season.
There’s no way to prove that there was contact made and I consider all three honorable men, but I have evidence otherwise and my experience over four decades of journalism has been that there are three certainties involving the hiring of coaches:
1) They’re all scared to death of being labeled a traitor should it be discovered they’ve had contact with other schools.
2) Athletic directors and job candidates have ways of talking through intermediaries that give them deniability.
3) Nobody’s ever going to tell you the truth 100 per cent about such negotiations.
In almost every situation the coach and school tell reporters “there’s been no contact” or “all we’re worried about is getting ready for our bowl game.”
Wink, wink! We all know that it’s always just semantics and that there had been some kind of dialogue between the UF and Meyer prior to the firing of Ron Zook, whether by carrier pigeon, CIA operatives or coded drum beats.
Meyer, however, was too smart to tip his hand. His answer was probably truthful for the most part, but it’s always a case of semantics, isn’t it?
I don’t really have a major problem with being told a white lie and have told a few myself. (“Yes, dear, that dress looks fabulous on you!”) It’s not that I consider Meyer a dishonest person or think that he would tell an outright lie about the timetable involving his hiring. But because universities are such hypocrites about the way they recruit new coaches, who are always conspiring to keep a lid on it for the sake of their new employer, everybody tells white lies.
I just wish there were a better way.
I’ve never understood this stampede to hire a coach before mid-December “for the sake of recruiting.” The best recruiting poster Florida can have these days – if not Steve Spurrier – is Urban Meyer’s picture. Good recruits aren’t going to win games by themselves without the guidance of a good coach, which is even more important.
That’s why I always admired Spurrier’s contract structure which gave him a period in January to talk to other teams, although his were always NFL clubs and didn’t involve recruiting.
So the message to the NCAA presidents and coaches is this: Come clean. Have a negotiation period where coaches can talk openly with prospective employers, because they’re going to talk anyway. And there’s nothing wrong with seeking employment elsewhere, especially in a profession where job security is non-existent.
In the end it will help the integrity of the sport instead of making everybody look like liars, which in most cases they are when it comes to answering questions from the media.
Oh yes, and as for Meyer’s answer, although it didn’t reveal much, here it is:
“Tough question … The University of Florida … During the season it would be absolutely unfair to everybody at Utah to consider, think, discuss, look at any other university. We had high expectations from day one at the University of Utah to finish undefeated. Expectations were there. I noticed Kirk (Herbsteit of ESPN?) is here … From August you cannot stub your toe. All of a sudden the goal shifted from the Mountain West Conference championship to the BCS. That’s a heck of a thing to have to have a coach and a bunch of seniors go through every week in and week out.
“There was no discussion, no looking, no evaluation of any job possibilities until following our last game of the season. When that occurred we spent two weeks studying it closely. When that other situation (Notre Dame) arrived, I’d say it was the 11th hour. A group of kids and a wife and a coach were pretty close to a decision. However, having such great respect for the other university, there was a little discussion. But it was not this versus them. I tried to make that clear about a week ago. But that wasn’t the case at all.”
OK, good effort. Maybe not everything I wanted to know, but not a total whitewash.
Make of it what you will. Whatever the case, it turned out best for everyone, although some members are still angry about the way Spurrier was treated.
According to printed reports which feature Foley’s timeline for discussions with Spurrier, he phoned Steve on Monday after Ron Zook’s firing and left a voice mail saying he wanted to talk to Steve about the job.
Spurrier had said that afternoon, “I guess we’re going to talk.”
In between, for the next six days, there was no apparent aggressive effort to bring Spurrier to the table. Spurrier did tell me he didn’t blame Foley for any of these delays or any lack of interest.
Around Nov. 4, Spurrier took his name out of contention. On Nov. 17, Foley made one more pass with a phone call to Spurrier, perhaps looking for an insurance policy. Six days later he became South Carolina’s coach. Thirteen days after that Meyer became Florida’s coach.
Meyer wisely embraced, endorsed and eulogized Spurrier and even disciples of the Ol’ Ball Coach will learn to like the new guy – providing he can win.
You have to admit, however, that because Spurrier was apparently given the cold shoulder by Machen (not Foley) in the last week of October, it now appears the UF president had his man in mind the whole time.
What transpired in between times only Machen and Meyer – and maybe Foley – know for sure. Meyer had been identified as being the next coach before Utah’s last game – we wrote “all signs point to Urban Meyer” here on Nov. 15 based on what insiders told us at Florida.
So the story came out five days before Utah’s final game, played on Nov. 20 when the Utes beat BYU, 54-21, to finish undefeated and gain a BCS bid to the Fiesta Bowl to play Pittsburgh. Yet all parties claim there was no discussion until then.
Fifteen days after Utah’s final game, Meyer was announced as coach, despite the hiccup when Notre Dame interviewed him on the evening of Dec. 2.
We’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, even though we heard he was going to be named Florida’s coach five days before Utah’s season ended.
And without promoting a conspiracy theory, I still wonder why that question and answer were left out of the official Florida transcript.
buddy martin oped column/ 8/15
OUT OF THE DARKNESS CAME A LITTLE LIGHT
Even on the dark side, there was a little light Power outages are common to those of us who live in Storm Alley, where lightning pops are as commonplace as the afternoon showers. So it's nothing out of the ordinary for us to walk into a room and see our lights to flickering, TVs to gone black and our VCRs, microwaves and clock radios blinking back at us. We know about emergency procedures in Southwest Florida. Hurricanes have prepared us to live without power for short periods or even longer during The Season. So candles, lanterns and flashlights are part of our household inventory. As a kid growing up in Florida, we delighted in staying home from school during late summer, eating dinner by candlelight and going room-to-room with lanterns or flashlights. Where adults find chaos to be inconvenient and disconcerting, children see respite and even joy. Even so, our dependence upon energy these days — from air-conditioning to illumination to things like computers — is far greater than ever and the resulting complications are much worse than just aggravation. It was comforting for Southwest Floridians to hear from Florida Power & Light Media Officer Pat Davis that the state is independent from the rest of the country because of it owns power plants. Although officials are attempting to sort out what happened and why, the United States' worst blackout was caused by the domino effect, shutting down a number of major cities, as well as 10 major airports and 9 nuclear plants. What happened to the Northeast Thursday afternoon at 4:11, however, was a blackout of such magnitude that we can't even begin to imagine the disturbing consequences and sheer terror that accompanied it. Aside from fears of terrorism, think of the nightmarish experiences in Manhattan for those trapped in elevators and subways. That there were no major catastrophes directly related the blackout in New York is miraculous, although there may have been incidents yet unreported at this writing. New Yorkers are incredibly resilient, if not battle-trained after 9/11. No doubt all the post 9/11 disaster training since then has provided both mental preparation and solid planning in the event of something like this. It's possible that some of the resources of Homeland Security buffeted officials during their time of need and spared further chaos or loss of life, but we don't know for sure. The amazing pictures on TV of thousands of people moving orderly — almost in concert, like a swarm of ants — across the Mid-town bridges without any apparent incidents is a testimony that while New Yorkers may not be the friendliest people on earth, they understand proper decorum in a crisis. We're not yet aware about all the consequences of the blackout, but locally there have been stories about some people being forced to reschedule mortgage closings or even stock transactions, or in some cases facing delays on certain airline routes. That seems a small price to pay for what could have become a full-blown catastrophe. We may have been reminded of several hard realities by the blackout. One, that no matter how isolated we may think were are from Canada, we're directly connected through security and natural resources. Two, Mother Nature can be as devastating to us sometimes as terrorists if we don't prepare for the unexpected. And, finally, I'm not a numerologist and don't believe in that stuff, but do 9/11 and 4:11 p.m. strike you as a rather odd coincidence?
------------ Punta Gorda Herald col./7-23-03 WHO WILL SAVE THE SPANISH HOUSE? PROBABLY NOBODY
PUNTA GORDA — If people wrap their arms around trees for the sake of preserving them and stretch in front of bulldozers to protect little animals, why aren't they as passionate about saving part of our past?
This thought occurred to me after reading a story in Sunday's Sun by reporter Allyson Gonzalez about the apparent grim fate of the Spanish House.
Unless somebody does something fairly quick, this old two-story Mediterranean Revival-style home, built by Cleveland Durrance in 1925, could wind up in a pile of rubble — pending the outcome of the Tuesday vote by the Charlotte County Commission.
Who will speak for the Spanish House?
Therein lies the problem. Apparently almost nobody who's in power.
Other than historians Lindsey Williams and U.S. Cleveland, nobody seems to know much about the Spanish House.
What I can't imagine is how we got to this predicament in the first place.
Why wasn't the Spanish House listed on the National Register of Historic Places along with Charlotte High School, First National Bank of Punta Gorda, the Freeman House, the Atlantic Coast Line Depot, the Punta Gorda Ice Plant, the Marion Avenue neighborhood and others?
"I was kind of baffled when I first heard about it," said Don Atwell, Project Director of the Punta Gorda History Park. "The plans were in the making, but nobody did the work. I was 15 months in doing the paperwork before we could even start to apply."
The Spanish House doesn't fall under Atwell's jurisdiction, but he did volunteer to include it in the History Park, which now has two houses and is about to become home to the original Punta Gorda Jail which is being resurrected as part of the "Cracker Display."
Even at that, there is the matter of $403,000 needed to relocate and rehabilitate the Spanish House, not to mention structural damage that could occur.
"I remember when were doing the Cigar Cottage and a man, who was one of the owners, was there to help because he knew about it," said Atwell, who only came here in 1997. "That made it a lot easier."
I called a relative of one of Charlotte County's oldest families and asked about it, but she told me, "No, I can't help you — I was just a little girl."
Therefore, developer Ken Demming of Fort Myers has little reason to hesitate as he moves forward with his plans to build 136 high-end condos on the land where the Spanish House sits, next to the old Pepin's Restaurant site.
"His name was Cleveland Pasco Durrance," said Lori Tomlinson of the Charlotte County Historical Center. "Most people called him 'Pasco.' His father was Francis M. Durrance, who was born in 1870 and was one of the founders of Charlotte Harbor. He was a cattleman and served as customs collector." Durrance Sr. had owned a dry goods store in Wauchula and resided in Pine Level before moving here. When he died, "Pasco" moved to Charlotte Harbor to take over Cleveland's business in 1927.
Otherwise, not too much is known about the culture of the Spanish House, except, as Williams told the county commission, "it was a stunning place."
Who knew all this except the historians?
First off, let me admit to ignorance. For almost three years, Monday through Friday, I have turned at Melbourne off U.S. 41 North on the way to work without realizing that the dilapidated structure was, indeed, that very same Spanish House. It's ugly and broken down, but there is still a spirit about the place which seems to be calling out to us. Now I can almost hear the sounds of bulldozers cranking up on Charlotte Harbor.
Is anybody listening? ===================== POST SCRIPT: The Charlotte County Commission voted Tuesday to allow the developer to tear down the 78-year-old Spanish House.
PUNTA GORDA HERALD col./7-30-03
IN THE END, NOBODY SPOKE FOR THE SPANISH HOUSE ...
And The Bulldozers are coming to get it.
Adios amigos, goodbye Farewell hacienda, we cry, No halbas, no hablas, I speak with my tears When the Spanish House goes We lose 78 years. --ANONYMOUS
My grandmother called it "locking the barn door after the horse has been stolen."
So I guess we have nobody to blame but ourselves for not caring enough to preserve one of Charlotte County's landmarks, The Spanish House, which will be bulldozed any day now.
Last week I wrote: "Unless somebody does something fairly quick, this old two-story Mediterranean Revival-style home, built by Cleveland Durrance in 1925, could wind up in a pile of rubble — pending the outcome of the Tuesday vote by the Charlotte County Commission.
"Who will speak for the Spanish House?
"Therein lies the problem. Apparently almost nobody who's in power."
So the Charlotte County Commission spoke, turning thumbs down on any attempt to save it and the out-of-town developer will be making way for his new upscale condos after knocking down the 78-year-old structure.
Just in case anybody was wondering, there were some people who cared besides historians. Reader Brenda L. Goodwin, a member of the Peace River Center for Writers, was moved to write a poem and allowed us to reprint an excerpt:
Now times have changed I, myself, revel in my past; to see, so steadfast, others grow; they do know life does not last. Yet, honored, I, chosen; steadfast, still; so saintly a home thou doth build; for first, I breath'd the peace of God on this holy hill. The breath of freedom, the view.... magnifique still holds true, this day, though my hour be long spent. Yet, glorified, I too, shall be and sing my praises, still; for though the house be empty and the man of earth doth touch; my soul, still, onward sing — life clutch. The man — Cleveland Pasco Durrance No doubt, some love for Spanish flair; its tiled roof, its chimneys squared, its hallowed, gated arch — brought from memories of yesters' march.. Yet, Pasco, strong , firm, grounded; built, buried deep; there's more that meets the eye; but secrets, too, best sleep.
Saddened by the news, I began looking on the Internet for ways to preserve historical sites. Having rememberd that my sister was instrumental in helping preserve an entire section of Ocala, now known as a The Historical District, I thought about contacting her, but she was out of the country. I logged on to a few sites, including nationaltrust.org, but there was too much red tape, too little time. Things moved so rapidly, as these things seem to do, since deliberance only allows for debate and, hey, we certainly wouldn't want to stand in the way or progress.
There's no reason to have hard feelings toward the builder, who had a eye for a beautiful piece of property on the Peace River and was able to legally obtain the proper permits to build his condos which the market seems to demand.
That doesn't mean we must forget The Spanish House, however.
Perhaps someday balladeers will sing of it, too. A couple of people at the Sun took a whack at some lyrics, including the words below and above the story.
Now the Spanish are all gone away like the Indians before We've cleaned them out from Englewood All the way down to Burnt Store
There's no more Spanish Houses we've sent them all to hell But now we've got the next-best thing some condos they can sell.
(E-mail Buddy Martin at bmartin@sun-herald.com)
FACTOID: Buddy hasn't always been in sports, having spent 3 1/2 years as features editor of the St. Petersburg Times, during which he won three Penney-University of Missouri awards for best lifestyle coverage.
He also won a New York State Associated Press Features Award for leading team coverage of a school bus accident that killed five children in Rockland County
While serving as managing editor of the Charlotte Sun for two years, the newspaper has won more than 70 state and national awards for editorial excellence.
His regular columns for OcalaStyle Magazine, "My Ocala," debuted in August and feature 90 per cent non-sports topics.
FACTOID #2: Buddy has written five books.
His first was Those Super Broncos, followed by Dan Issell's autobiography, "Parting Shots."
He then co-authored Terry Bradshaw's best-selling autobiography, "Looking Deep." He has writen two books on Florida football, "Down Where The Old Gators Play," I and II.
None of them are in print, but can be located under Barnes & Noble under "rare books."
He says he is planning another book sometime in the near future, subject to be determined.
His favorite author is Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, whose Cross Creek books were read to him as a child by his mother, Margaret O'Quinn Martin Cannon.
INCOMING! BEWARE OF THOSE RETIRED UNGUIDED MISSILES
One of my colleagues at the newspaper calls them "URMs." Unguided Retired Missiles.
"We got another 'URM' across the street," somebody said last week. "Went right through the Chinese restaurant. Now it's a drive-through."
"Well," said another, "did he hit Column A, or Column B?"
If senior drivers ramming their cars into buildings weren't such a serious problem these days, it might be a lot funnier.
There's nothing funny about the 86-year-man in California ramming into a farmer's market and killing 10 recently.
Luckily, the accident at Schoolhouse Square in Charlotte Harbor last week didn't injure anybody in the Chinese restaurant because it happened in the morning. What is it with Chinese restaurants. A few weeks ago a 92-year-old man in Miami collided with one.
This problem isn't going away, especially in Florida, which has 76,000 drivers over the age of 90.
There are 33 million people over the age of 65 driving cars in America. To think that by 2030 there will be nearly 100 million drivers age 65 and older!
And Charlotte County, with the highest average age of any county in the nation, has its fair share.
Getting a driver license in Florida is easy — as the terrorist found out. And until Gov. Jeb Bush recently signed a bill requiring those over 80 to have a vision test before having their license renewed, there really weren't any precautionary measures in place.
Don't blame all the woes of the highway on seniors, however.
In fact, if you want to go strictly by numbers, there are more people under 20 killed every year in traffic accidents than over 65. But it's not often we hear about a 21-year-old turning his or her car into a battering ram at the drive-inn bank window.
More often than not, it's a senior hitting the gas pedal instead of the brake that causes the accident.
So what do we do, ground everyone over 60?
You are not going to get grandma or granddad to turn over their keys so easily. Nor should they.
Seniors are living more independently than ever today. They need transportation to the doctor, grocery market, shopping center, movie, restaurant, etc. Some are still employed full-time and more are working well past retirement age.
So it's time to address this problem now and not wait until "URMS" become a national epidemic.
Victims of alzheimer's, people with faulty eyesight, those with deteriorated reflexes or subject to blackouts should not get behind a wheel. And without question, that group comes from the senior citizen category.
Short of taking the keys away from an incompetent driver and testing for glaucoma, cataracts and macular degeneration, as well as poor hearing, here are a few tips offered by various sources on the Internet:
•Take a refresher course offered by AARP or AAA. •Do yoga or stretching to improve range of motion so you can see the side and rear view mirrors better. •Ask your local congressman or state legislator about increasing the size of stop lights and road signs; and lobbying auto manufacturers to offer special features for seniors like larger brake pedals.
Kudos to the Charlotte County commissioners for taking action and creating awareness by issuing a proclamation naming August as Senior Safe Driving Month.
Senior drivers also have a credibility gap with younger drivers because of annoying habits like a)driving under the speed limit in the left hand lane; b)signaling for a right turn and then turning left: c)leaving their blinker lights on for miles and miles at a time.
So there is considerable angst already built up when young people hear about the latest car-vs-building collision.
At the same time, let's not become guilty of ageism. Not everybody over 60 is a bad driver or a threat to society.
We made a promise not to get another dog, but when this one came along we just "borrowed" him for a while.
THE PUPPY HAS A NAME: But that may change and so might his new home. More on this later, but right now he's "vacationing" with Joni and Buddy
Pick one and e-mail Buddy at Buddyshow@aol.com. The breed comes from Tibet. He weighs 2.7 pounds. Buddy and Joni are "dog-sitting" until daughter Lori returns from California.
These are the nominations for names: A. Sweetness (Walter Payton's nickname) B. Chewy (looks like Chewbaca) C. Bruiser (See "Legally Blonde2") D. Rinpoche ("precious" in Tfbetan) E. Bogie (or Bogart) F. Mojo (just because) G. Hollywood (likes the spotlight) H. Oscar (could win one someday) I. Otis (like the name) J. Happy (because he always is) SEE BUDDY'S COLUMN ON THE OUTCOME BELOW
LORI MARTIN & PUPPY 'RINPOCHE'
buddymartincolumn 7-9-03
HOW MUCH WAS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW?
One thing I've promised myself: No more dogs in the Martin family. Besides, they could never measure up to my part mutt/part Black Lab which helped raise my family before he retired to that Great Doggie Run in the Sky a few years ago. Nope, there will never be another one like Jordan. Dogs make you prisoners of your environment. When you travel they're extra baggage, because not only do you pay more money, but often it's a traumatic experience for them. I made a promise the last time Jordan was left on a Houston tarmac in his travel kennel and was buzzed by a 727, which freaked him out forever. So when we traveled with Jordan, we drove — even if it was halfway across America. Dogs shed all over your carpets and furniture. They bark when you're gone and make your neighbors mad. Then run up costly vet bills. And sometimes they bite your guests. Pretty much we couldn't think of any good reason to ever have another dog. Until this little blond brat Lahso Apso came bounding into my life last week when I opened the door of my condo, as if to say, "Hi there, I don't have a name yet, but I think we're going to be very good friends, because you're gonna love me!" Dogs have a sort of ESP that way. And he was right. Well, actually, first he came bounding in our daughter Lori's life. She made the mistake of walking by the pet shop and have a real lifelike experience of the song "How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?" Let me tell you, it turned out to be an expensive answer, because apparently this breed comes from some kind of royalty in Tibet. As is the case with all pets, children and leftover boxes, the dog would eventually be left behind with mom and dad while she was on a trip. That, in fact, is the very method used by our other daughter, Rebecca, when we wound up raising Jordan as a puppy. But, hey, it's just going to be for a few days. Over the Fourth of July Weekend, we played with this pooch like he was a windup toy. In 48 hours he ruled the house. We attended the street festival in Naples with Doggie to be Named. We were down to a list of about 10 choices, but couldn't seem to settle on one from a list that included Bogie, Bruiser, Mojo, Chewy, Sweetness, Otis, Oscar, Hollywood, Happy and Rinpoche, with is the Tibetan word for "precious." We were overwhelmed by dog-lovers. Literally, ever 10 yards Lori was stopped by somebody who wanted to just pet the little rascal and ask a question. "Oh, how cuuuuuuttttte!" "How big does he get?" (8 to 20 pounds) ` "Can I ask you, where did you get him?" (pet store) "Hey, where's the rest of him?" (a regular Henny Youngman already) "Just precious!" "Do they shed?" (yeah, but who could tell?) "How much does it weigh?) (2.7 pounds) It was hot and humind, and when we stopped to buy chilled bottled water, a guy standing nearby said: "Isn't that something? We give our dogs bottle water today! I want to come back as my dog. You know, when I was single I wish I would have known the secret: A puppy is a great way to meet girls." By sundown we were home. And it was time to give the dog a name. Lori chose Rinpoche, figuring "so many people said he was 'precious,' I think it was a sign." I am already thinking Rinpoche needs a playmate. ----------- POSTSCRIPT: ON JULY 7 LORI PAID A VISIT TO LOS ANGELES, LEAVING RINPOCHE BEHIND WITH BUDDY AND JONI. SHE RETURNED HOME FIVE DAYS LATER TO ANNOUNCE THAT SHE WAS MOVING TO LA TO PURSUE HER SINGING CAREER AND HAS BEEN HIRED TO WRITE AND CO-PRODUCE A CHRISTMAS ALBUMN. ON JULY 20, RINPOCHE OFFICIALLY BECAME A MEMBER OF BUDDY AND JONI'S HOUSEHOLD. LORI HAS VISITING PRIVILEGES.
Sunday Best Scrapbook
sunday best sports column/ 6/29/03
M IAMI TO ACC: BROWNS SHOES WITH A TUX
Our mothers always told us we would be judged by the company we keep.
If that's so, I'm wondering on what basis the Atlantic Coast Conference chose to invite Miami and Virginia Tech to join its athletic alliance.
Other than money.
And good football teams.
Is that what the ACC is about these days? Nothing against the fine graduates of either college in Coral Gables or Blacksburg, Va., but the Hurricanes and Gobblers seem out of place in a league with the Tar Heels, Yellow Jackets, Blue Devils, Wolfpack, Cavaliers, Seminoles, etc.
Apparently Virginia Tech has made its decision to leave, but the Big East has sweetened the pot for the Hurricanes to stay, promising $9 million cash, expansion to 10 teams and the addition of a conference championship playoff game.
Miami goes with the ACC like brown shoes go with a tuxedo.
When I think of the ACC, I think of strong sports tradition: Hoop mania all along Tobacco Road — Valvano at N.C. State, the Deandome in Chapel Hill, Coach K. in Durham, Cremins at Georgia Tech.
Does anybody recall the last time Miami and Virginia Tech made the Final Four?
And I think of smart people. The ACC has a strong reputation for academic excellence. No offense intended here, but Miami and Virginia Tech have hardly been best known for Rhodes Scholars, although UM did have one last year.
For the record, during 2001-02 Duke had four Rhodes Scholars and 100 percent graduation for its basketball team.
Quick Jump Starts
1. Now that the Chicago Bears have lowered the standards by selling the naming rights to their team — The Chicago Bears Presented by Bank One — what's next ... The Tampa Bay Bucs Presented by Jim Walters Homes, The Miami Dolphins Presented By Joe's Stone Crabs and the Jacksonville Jags Presented By The PGA Tour?
2. I'd be the least authoritative source imaginable on the NBA draft, and anybody could have picked LeBron James, but my biggest hunch is that Pat Riley selected a real winner with Marquette's Duane Wade with the No. 5 pick.
3. Probably what's next is NBA players selling commercial tattoos.
4. From now on when I hear athletes talking about "getting cut" from the roster, I'll have a picture of Vitali Klitschko's left eye in my mind after it was laid open by Lennox Lewis in a fight the big Ukrainian would have otherwise won.
5. If this new program proposed by the NCAA to penalize schools for harboring academically ineligible athletes and awarding points for players who do well in class actually goes through for 2010, where are they going to get enough players to fill out a lineup at some of these big-time football factories?
This just in
•Vince Dooley, 70, isn't going quietly up in Athens — and well he shouldn't — as some former players and now powerful alumni are coming to the rescue of their former coach who's being pushed out by the Georgia president.
•It's not looking too good for troubled Washington coach Rick Neuheisel when he's handed two pieces of paper by school president Barbara Hedges and told to "pick one" — a termination letter and a letter of resignation. So, would you prefer the lethal injection or a firing squad?
Short Stuff
Jason Kidd says he's looking a four possible teams in his free agency search, but you can narrow that to just two: Either he stays with the Nets or goes to the Spurs ... One of the few bright spots for the otherwise unranked Florida Gators in pre-season polls was TB Ben Troupe making the list of contenders for the John Mackey Award honoring the best college tight end ... Matt Bonner has a shot of making it in the NBA after being drafted 45th by the Bulls and traded to the Raptors, but I always thought the 6-10 redhead would look perfect in a Celtics uniform.
Remembering a great Gator QB
The first really great Florida quarterback was not Steve Spurrier or John Reaves or even Danny Wuerffel — but rather Haywood Sullivan from Dothan, Ala. He had a cannon for an arm, but Bob Woodruff's teams never passed. Had he returned for his senior season, Sullivan would have joined a backfield of three other star: Jay (Poppa) Hall), Rick Casares and Buford Long. Instead, Haywood signed with the Red Sox as a catcher and eventually became the only man in MLB ever to be a player, general manager and eventually co-owner. Sullivan, a Fort Myers real estate developer, died in February at 72.
Nothing but 'Net (with help from Buddy's friends on the Internet)
Quotatious Plus
•"If it was my choice, it would be Shaq." — San Antonio Spurs guard Stephen Jackson, when asked whom he would like to see his team sign in the offseason.
•"If we were looking for citizenship, we'd disband the league." — Kevin McHale, Minnesota Timberwolves vice president, when asked if character counts in the NBA draft.
•"They've got 'rally monkey pox.'" — Broadcaster Bret Lewis offered this theory on what's wrong with the World Series champion Anaheim Angels.
•"What is it today? Is Army coming in?" — Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski, on rapidly changing efforts by the ACC to steal schools from the Big East.
•"Get me somebody that can win. I don't mean that disrespectfully, but I don't want to be 8-8. I had that guy Neil O'Donnell [with the Jets]. That's what he (Griese) is." — Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells, on why he didn't pursue recent Miami Dolphins signee Brian Griese.
Buddy's E-Mailbag
I disagree when pro athletes such as Ray Lewis in the NFL was convicted of a crime but Reebok made a commercial earning him millions of dollars and all these kids look up to them as heroes! Since I retired my income is lower then when I worked and sometimes it isn't easy! — Ginny LaRue, Port Charlotte GINNY: I hear you loud and clear, but if people guilty of crimes couldn't do commercials, about half of the endorsements by celebrities would be off the air. By the way, Lewis was being tried for murder but plea bargained to a lesser charge of obstruction of justice after rolling over on two friends.
Bumper sticker, sign or T-shirt
1. I didn't spend 6.5 million years clawing my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.
2. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
3. I wasn't using my civil liberties anyway.
And good morning ...
... North Port golf pro Will Frantz. Congratulations on an excellent showing in the U.S. Senior Open.
buddy martin sunday column 7/6/03
HOME JAMES: TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN
Go ahead and say it, "nobody's worth that much money."
You're right, LeBron James isn't worth the $13 million he'll get for playing in the NBA those first three seasons.
Just like Ted Williams wasn't worth the first $100,000 annual contract he signed with the Red Sox, Joe Namath wasn't worth the annual $427,000 deal he got with the Jets and Mike Tyson has never been worth a dime of any money he ever earned on Pay-Per-View TV.
They never are. The bottom line, however, is the bottom line. Right out of high school, James is the hottest property since ... well, the last guy who signed for all that money!
If they weren't making money on the back of the 18-year-old star, then Nike wouldn't have paid him the $90 million in the first place.
A long time ago when it was decided sports gods were more important that teachers, fireman, cops and doctors, this whole money thing got out of whack and it can never be remedied.
Ah, sports and capitalism — what a concept!
Quick Jump Starts
1. The PGA Tour is going to start testing drivers for spring-like effect in January, so there's plenty of time to hide that Sammy Sosa corked model.
2. I hate myself for saying this, but I just don't care about Wimbledon this year — perhaps because I just can't get into the strawberries and cream thing anymore.
3. Or maybe tennis is just boring.
4. I have made it official in my Viewpoint column today, and will declare it again here: That American League team in Ohio shall be henceforth known as the Cleveland Indian-Givers.
5. OK, let's study up on those soccer rules and learn to say it out loud: Go Manchester U-N-I-T-E-D!
This just in
•Sorry, but if Adrian McPherson is allowed to go back and play college football this year without penalty or reprisal, Florida State deserves whatever pox comes its way.
•Steve Spurrier sounded genuinely motivated and excited about coaching quarterback Patrick Ramsey the other day, especially since the Redskins drafted Taylor Jacobs and signed Laveranues Coles.
Short Stuff
The Miami-Florida kickoff on Sept 6 is scheduled for 8 p.m. on ABC and according to UF's Steve McClain, that will be the Gators' 129th appearance on live network TV in the last 163 outings ... USA Today ran the 100 most famous numbers — 56, as in Joe DiMaggio's streak was ranked first — but my favorite was No. 61 which the writer identified thusly: 61* ... I'm going out on a limb here and picking Lance Armstrong to win his fifth Tour de France; it will also rain this month.
Pillsbury Doughboy R.I.P.(clipboard) The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Cap'n Crunch.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very 'smart' cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky in his youth and a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus the bun they had in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
Nothing but 'Net (with help from Buddy's friends on the Internet)
Quotatious Plus
• "I wouldn't make too much because I'm 91 years old." —Buck O'Neil, former Negro League star, when asked how much money he could be making as a player now.
• "It was like a foreign country really." — British soccer star Ian Rush, on playing in Italy for Juventus in 1988.
• "Finally, the CFL has more state-of-the-art rugs than William Shatner." — Columnist Randy Turner, after three Canadian Football League teams added new artificial turf.
• "You cannot compare Shaq to Tim Duncan. They do not have a similar game. Shaq's got a dunking game, Tim's got a package." — New Jersey Nets center Dikembe Mutombo.
• "Ought to be dedicated to the care and feeding of billy goats." — Author and sports writer Dan Jenkins, after calling the course at Olympia Fields the worst U.S. Open course he has seen.
Today's Trivia
Who were the participants in the longest playoff in the U.S. Women's Open? (see answer below)
Buddy's E-Mailbag
Hey, Buddy: As a graduate of Radford University, which used to be a part of a Virginia Tech many decades ago, I have to point out that Virginia Tech has one of the top engineering schools in the nation. And let's face it, it's much harder to earn a degree in, say, electrical engineering, than English or journalism. By the way, when was Florida State known for anything other than a party school? — Pat Fitzgerald, Fayetteville, Ark. (former Sun staffer). PATRICK: Yeah, and everybody who goes to school at Miami is a rocket scientist, too. I'd take most any ACC school against either of them in the GE College Bowl.
Things I've learned with age
•Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
•When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
•The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Excerpts from other newspapers
There will be no suggestion here to name any edifice or park for (former Atlanta Mayor) Ivan Allen. It's too late and would mean nothing now. They missed the righteous opportunity when the stadium was not named for him. His memory will live on in far more meaningful contributions to the city he gave new life. — Furman Bisher, Atlanta Journal-Consitution, on the man who brought pro sports to the South.
Bumper sticker, sign or T-shirt 1. My other car is a Zamboni. 2. Guns are no more responsible for killing people than the spoon is responsible for making Rosie O'Donnell fat. 3. As long as there are FCAT tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Trivia Answer Se Ri Pak and Jenny Chuasiriporn.
And good morning ... ... America. Happy Birthday!
OTHER SUMMER STUFF
THE WONDERFUL STORY OF SEABISCUIT: SEEING IS BELIEVING IN SECOND CHANCES
When looking for a good movie, you often go out with the expectations of "Gone With The Wind" and come back with the feeling of "They Were Just Blowing Smoke," bamboozled by the experience after all the glowing previews and intensive hype.
Not so with Seabiscuit, now playing in movie theaters near you.
After reading a few reviews, watching the PBS documentary and being a little familiar with the fabled sports story about a race horse that helped "fix a nation" in distress, I wondered how could anything ever measure up to such a five-star billing. And then I saw the movie last week.
It was a moving experience, sitting in a theater with an adult audience and hearing the people applaud, sniffle and cheer with gusto as the horse won his big match race — and then clap at the movie's conclusion. Some, no doubt, burned by Hollywood clunkers, too.
And, yes, I had a few tears myself.
Remaining in my seat and experiencing sort of a post-movie afterglow, I heard comments like:
"That's a great movie. I'll come back and see it again."
"I can't wait to bring my mother to see this one."
"Now THAT was a movie worthwhile seeing."
I wondered what had touched the audience so profoundly.
Aside from the movie being well acted — especially by Jeff Bridges, Tobey Maguire and Chris Cooper — it was superbly produced and directed and beautifully filmed.
Seabiscuit gets my Triple Crown rating, however, because of nobody got in the way of the story, which remains powerful more than six decades later.
As one who has made his living writing sports stories, I must admit there have been very few that could rival the tale of these underdogs: Three men bruised by life — in jockey Red Pollard's case, even maimed — finding hope in the fighting spirit of this castoff animal during one of this country's darkest periods, The Depression.
Evidence of the story's power is that Laura Hillebrand's book, Seabiscuit: An American Legend, still leads the New York Times' best-selling book list.
Great stories never grow old and this time Hollywood got it right, even if some of the key traits of characters were brushed aside by poetic license.
They made owner/businessman Charles Howard (Bridges) out to be more like P.T. Barnum than the quiet, determined and fiercely loyal automobile dealer that he was. And they neglected to tell about the romantic involvement of Pollard with a socialite and his eventual marriage into a blueblood family that never accepted him.
So while there was some fiction mixed in with the fact, the story line never strayed far from its roots and was uplifting — maybe not a Rocky of thororoughbred racing, but certainly the underdog and grit elements were the movie's underpinning.
Sadly, the story Seabiscuit won't save horse racing, a sport teetering on oblivion, but it will offer an American historical perspective and provide the most spectacular racing scenes you'll ever see.
You don't need to be a movie critic to know that this picture is bound for Oscarland, if for no other reason than the powerful character acting by Cooper, who plays a down-and-out cowboy turned trainer, and William Macey, who portrays zany radio announcer Tick Tock McGalughlin to the audience's delight.
If you haven't read the book and can wait until after Wednesday, you will have the luxury of seeing the PBS special and comparing it with the movie, which I highly recommend. By seeing the real life story, you will know for certain there was nothing Hollywood could do to distort this magnificent story on the big silver screen of a horse helping America believe in second chances.
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Buddy/sports/7-11-03
BARRY BONDS' COMMENTS REALLY TICK MET OFF
I was considering a couple of other topics today when here it came over the Associated Press. Now Barry Bonds has me so ticked off I can't go to sleep without defending a dead legend.
George Herman "Babe" Ruth, The Bambino.
It's about respect.
So let me give Bonds' his right up front, what with the San Francisco slugger at the 30-homer mark this season, 643 lifetime, closing in on Willie Mays' 660 for third on the all-time home run list. Bonds may become the first player in history to hit 500 home runs and steal 500 bases and is still regarded today by most people as the best player in the game, although slowing down at 39.
Bonds' remarks last week that he was going to "wipe out" the Bambino to the point "you don't have to talk about him no more" got me so ticked off that I went to the archives to straighten him out — with a little help from the Boston Herald and Baseballpages.com.
First, I'd like to inform Mr. Bonds he simply PLAYS the game that Babe Ruth virtually built. His vicious remarks not only show disrespect, but his ignorance of history as well.
Consider these comments: "The only number I'm concerned with is Babe Ruth's (714). As a left-handed hitter, I can say I wiped him on that. To the baseball world, Babe Ruth is baseball, but from what I hear, you have to go back to the Negro Leagues too (when talking about records).
"I got (Ruth) on slugging percentage (in a season, .863), I got him on on-base (.582), I got him on walks (198) and then I can take his home run record and that's all — you don't have to talk about him no more."
It's sad, but true, that black players were barred for playing baseball back in Ruth's era, but don't blame that on The Bambino. And consider these Ruthian feats, over and above his 60-home run season and his 714 lifetime:
•When Babe Ruth hit 60 home runs in 1927, he accounted for 14 percent of all homers in his league that year. For Bonds to accomplish that today he would have to hit more that 300 in one season.
•Ruth had a lifetime batting average of .342 (Bonds' is below .300). Thirteen times he drove in over 100 runs, with a high of 171 in 1921. He hit over .300 17 times, including .393 in 1923.
•From 1915-17, Ruth won 65 games, more than any other lefthander in the majors. In the 1918 World Series he extended his record to 29 2/3 scoreless innings, which lasted 43 years.
•According to the bio written by Baseballpage.com, Ruth won 89 games in six seasons pitching for the Red Sox. In 1916 he got his first chance to pitch in a World Series, drove in the tying run himself, then held the Brooklyn Dodgers scoreless for the next 11 innings.
•He hit three home runs in a World Series game twice.
Without Ruth coming along as a star for the Yankees in that controversial "Curse of the Bambino" trade by the Red Sox in 1920 to revive the game's credibility after the Black Sox Scandal of 1919, Barry Bonds might be playing for a meager $1 million a year instead of $15 million.
Might I add that The Bambino bulked up on hot dogs, not steroids.
You could look it up, Barry, as Casey Stengel used to say. Unless, of course, you've wiped him out, too.
================= editorial page column /7-6-03
DEAR CLEVELAND: TAKE YOUR 'GIVERS' BACK
Just last week, former Atlanta Mayor Ivan Allen died and it got me thinking about his role as the pioneer for bringing professional sports to the South. Until the Falcons became a reality there in 1960, no other big league franchises existed below the Mason-Dixon Line.
Ivan Allen was the original "build it and they will come" guy. He and other Atlanta leaders invented that theory out of nothing because they had to sell the idea of constructing a stadium before there was a team available. For their great faith, Pete Rozelle awarded them a brand new expansion franchise.
Allen's most memorable quote about bringing the NFL to Georgia was: "We built a stadium on land we didn't own with money with didn't have for a team that didn't exist yet."
Some might say that was like Don Quixote tilting at windmills. Others of us would call it faith, vision and guts, three qualities that seemed lacking in the latest "negotiations" between Charlotte County and a certain major league baseball team.
Of course, back in Allen's day, a man's word was his handshake and it didn't take four lawyers to change a light bulb. Good faith negotiations were, in fact, good faith.
We bring this to your breakfast table this morning in the wake of the latest news that we have been stiffed by that American League team in Ohio, which shall henceforth be known in this column as "the Indian Givers."
Call it what you will — good business, negotiations, a better deal ... yada, yada, yada.
You gotta love those guys who pretend every Don Corleone double-cross is right out of the IBM handbook, "just bizz-a-ness."
Yeah, so are a lot of other illegal, immoral and unethical practices.
They might have gotten a better deal in Winter Haven, but those Indian Givers have left the state of Florida littered and strewn with so much bad PR from Winter Haven to Fort Myers to Port Charlotte that their trail looks like the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame after a Phish concert.
Even folks in their "new" spring training headquarters didn't care if they came back and, in fact, the mayor of Winter Haven told the Sun "they treated us badly." It hardly sounds like there will be "Welcome Home — Again" mats awaiting the Givers at the Polk County line.
Hey, they ought to know about sleight-of-hand business maneuvers in Cleveland, because they learned it on the wrong end of the deal with Art Modell.
Only in a country like America and a state like Florida could a baseball team with a record barely above .400 team put a gun to the heads of politicians in three cities all at once. And to think that I was impressed with a guy who once had three dates on the night of his Senior Prom.
It stinks to finish second, or third, and feel like you've been used.
Today, however, tap-dancing on the mirage of "just bizz-a-ness" is a common practice. Perhaps, Charlotte county's commissioners were a bit timid in closing the deal with the Givers, if, in fact, there really was a deal in the first place.
This was a painful loss for those who worked so diligently to bring about a minor miracle after baseball was pretty much killed off by the Texas Rangers. A certain amount of finger pointing follows these kinds of defeats and often deservedly so, because elected politicians have to be accountable for losses if they're going to take credit for the wins.
An old coach once said you only learned from defeat, not victory, and on that count some folks got educated pretty good. I say it was a good fight, even if we wound up with a black eye.
Besides, it's not the eye that hurts today — it's the gut, from all of those blows below the belt.
NON SPORTS COLUMN
SUNDAY, JUNE 20, 2003
MORTGAGES FOR DUMMIES How low can they go?
Once upon a time, back when double-digit inflation was eating away at our family budgets, the idea of boasting a single-digit mortgage again was but a feeble dream.
If you were unfortunate enough to be hooked into the Treasury Bills back in the 1980s with an adjustable rate mortgage, your monthly payments could reflect gargantuan interest in the high teens. Monthly payments could be staggering. Banks offered their own version of homeowner sticker shock.
And those 10 per centers with a cozy 30-year terms back then were downright smug. The rest of us whined and begged.
"I'll be amazed if I can ever see another mortgage under 10 per cent in my lifetime," a friend once said about 18 years ago.
Today, the plunging prime rate has us all scratching our heads, wondering how these low rates are going to impact our mortgages and how we can get in on some of this low ball action to improve our personal financial situation.
Now comes the news that not only are we seeing 30-year fixed mortgages at 5 percent, but the Federal Reserve seems to be engaged in a game of "How Low Can You Go?" chicken.
On Wednesday, the Fed dropped the federal funds rate by a quarter percentage point to 1 percent, a 45-year low. Most of us know as much about high finance as we do about overhauling the engine in our cars, but even we dummies can figure out this is sort of the Blue Light Special of the banking industry.
This we do know: Low is good. At least on the borrowing end. It's not so good for those with savings accounts and CDs, where the payback for investment is virtually zero.
Still, many of us started salivating over the lowest prime since Dwight Eisenhower was president. In fact, the Fed has whacked the rates so many times in the last 18 months that we've developed our own little culture of financial wizards with their own lingo. This is how it goes around the water cooler some days:
"Hey, man, I got that 7-year fixed at 3.75! With no second and no PMI!"
"Dude you're better off with the 15-year fixed at 4.5 because in seven years we could be back up to double digits again when you re-fi."
"Well, you're both wrong, because I'm staying with the 30-year fixed at 5, because I'm not paying the cash for the doc stamps or the re-fi points."
And the mortgage frenzy marches on.
Without question, low rates have driven the construction market to record heights and boosted auto sales.
So what happens to the mortgage rates after the latest cut? A check at several local lending institutions Friday indicated that it had zero positive effect and, in some cases, was negative.
One large chain raised its 30-year fixed mortgage by a quarter point, from 5 1/4 to 5 1/2. Another stayed flat at 5.
There's no doubt it's more attractive to borrow money now than anytime since the 1950s, which could be tempting when it comes to those new credit cards everybody's pitching at us every week.
One tip that came our way recently, however, was this: If you've got an old bank card which charges you double-digit interest, there's a way to get a better deal. Simply open a credit line prevailing adjustable rates (4 to 4 1/4 today) and pay off your old Visa or Mastercard. You could save upwards of 10 per cent or even more.
Dropping rates is wonderful, but it leaves some people wondering what happens when there's nothing else to cut. When the rate reaches zero and another decrease is in order, do the banks start paying us to borrow the money? -
sunday/7-13-03 NON SPORTS
A CRACKER'S RECOLLECTION OF HURRICANES PAST
I've never actually been in a hurricane, but growing up in Florida and living here for 33 of my adult years, I've certainly played my share of dodge-ball with them.
Truthfully, natives never paid much attention to hurricanes back before TV technology brought it live to our living rooms. Unless, of course, there was a direct hit like the one that struck tiny Cedar Key and devastated the fishing village north of Crystal River on the upper West Coast back in the 1940s.
My mother and a deputy sheriff drove us past the Cedar Key carnage. Through the eyes of a small child it looked like somebody had sprinkled large match sticks over the area.
Almost nothing was left but, then, there hadn't been much there to begin with. Still, I knew something bad happened.
Many times our school openings were delayed from a storm brushing by us and knocking over trees and power lines. But nobody I knew ever lost a life or a house in a hurricane, so how bad could this be?
Years later I found out. Back in the 1960s a hurricane barreled up the Gulf while I was in New Orleans, awaiting the start of an LSU-Florida football game in nearby Baton Rouge, but the sky blackened on Friday and they canceled.
Afraid of being stuck in Louisiana, I made the stupid decision to leave by car right away. But as my wife and I drove our small Chevy through the large puddles around the bayous, we could see tornadoes touching down all around.
I just remember being white-knuckled and scared, especially when we escaped to Mississippi only to hear on the radio that a bridge behind us had been washed out. There was some damage, but it wasn't tragic — and I learned the hard way about trying to outrun a hurricane.
In 1989, we went shopping for flashlights and candles, purchased a battery powered radio, filled the hotel bathtub with water and went to bed thinking Hugo would be on top of us by morning. We had just moved to Jacksonville and all our belongings were due to arrive from Denver that day.
We woke up stunned to hear about the terrible destruction to the north of us in Charleston. Hugo turned out the second most devastating in history with $7 billion in damages. I often wonder: What if it HAD hit Jacksonville?
Nothing has been as devastating as the loss of life in 1900 when Galveston, Texas was hit and 8,000 were killed. And today we still hear references about the Big One around Lake Okeechobee in 1928 which took the lives of 1,836.
Yet nothing compares to the overall carnage of Andrew in 1992 which wreaked $26.5 billion in damages to the Homestead area.
Florida is such a huge, diverse state divided into quadrants, so what might have an impact on the Gulf of Mexico might not cause a ripple in, say, in West Palm Beach. However, hurricanes are tricky and have been known to criss-cross the peninsular, or even turn around and come back.
As I write this, Tropical Claudette is headed West across the Yucatan Peninsular toward Mexico and Texas, expected to pick up speed, but is no apparent threat to us here.
In fact, we might be living in a hurricane-free zone these days, because the area between Venice and Fort Myers hasn't been touched by one since Donna in 1960.
Donna swept across southern Florida on Sept. 10 and raced through the Everglades with winds up to 175 mph. Then it turned East across the Florida Peninsula, sped northward along the East Coast and smacked every state from South Carolina to New York with hurricane-force winds.
There was extensive damage in Charlotte County.
My best advice about hurricanes is to be prepared, but not fret. Florida crackers look upon them as part of life, along with alligators and mosquitoes. Except you can see hurricanes coming from far off and there's time to get out of the way. West Nile may be of more concern. I've always been told gators could run as fast as racehorses for 50 yards, but I don't intend to find out. ================
NON-SPORTS /7-2-03
GETTING THE BIGGEST BANG OUT OF THE FOURTH
When the fireworks go off Friday night in Laishley Park, I'm going to be thinking about my friend Tim from Colorado and, once again, missing the family celebrations he has hosted for the past dozen years.
We all pretended it was the $50,000 fireworks show they blasted off every year in Denver that drew us together, but really it was the camaraderie of children and adults, the food and the festive July 4th mood which prevailed.
Something about July 4th seems to rally our spirits. Last year it was the war, which made us gush with patriotism. This year it's probably more about togetherness with family and friends, on more of a budget perhaps.
We even decided to have a small July Fourth Celebration at my house this year, inasmuch as we're geographically positioned — hopefully! — to see the Laishley Park fireworks at 9 p.m.
Used to be you bought your own fireworks — sparklers, cherry bombs, Lady Finger firecrackers, smoke bombs, Roman candles and maybe a rocket or two. Today, in places like Punta Gorda, service clubs like the Kiwanians have taken on that as a charitable event. You can attend and purchase food and refreshments, as well as listen to the popular local group The Boogiemen for a modest $1 admission, with free parking.
Hey, the explosives cost $20,000, so ante up!
At the same time, I wondered about the local fireworks stores, how they sell things that go BANG! in the night without repercussions from the law and how some of them stay open year-round now. Maybe I'd even buy a couple of the harmless items for the party.
Right off I was told to turn off my cell phone at Sky Slam in Punta Gorda "because of the danger of static electricity."
Understandably. That gave me an opening to ask about the most popular item.
"Here it comes!" she said, "but we're out of them."
I kept waiting for "it" to arrive, but then I realized that the $45 mortar was actually called "Here It Comes."
Naturally, I wanted to know how I could be setting off mortars in my back yard without getting arrested, so I asked the nice young woman. She explained that if I was willing to sign a sheet of paper, "Skyslam Fireworks Wholesale Verification Certificate" that I could avoid prosecution — unless my neighbor turned me in.
Oh yeah, and by signing it I acknowledge that I have reviewed Section 791.04 of Chapter 791 of the Florida Statutes, which said that I was using the boomers "for agricultural purposes — to scare off birds or wild animals."
Yeah, of course.
A quick perusal of the store revealed that the heavy duty mortar stuff was on one side: Artillery Hell, Two Breakers, The Tomahawk, Tiger Tale, etc.
I asked one of the more experienced customers for some consumer tips.
"What's the best stuff?"
"Them mortars over there, that big box," he said, pointing to the $145 box of Air Blast mortars.
"How about Cherry Bombs?"
"Don't make 'em anymore," said the nice young lady.
One of the best purchases I saw were the $2.77 safety glasses.
For old times sake I strolled by the tamer ammo: Smoke Bombs, Sparking Torches, Confetti Poppers, Jumping Jack Firecrackers.
Then I realized there was no need to make the purchase today because there weren't going to be kids around anyway. So I'll settle for the Kiwanis Club's 20th Annual Fireworks Show Friday night with a heartfelt thanks to all those people who actually know what they're doing.
